Organizational psychologist Robert Sutton advises on his blog “Work Matters” (hosted by Psychology Today) that “for people who are trapped in nasty workplaces, and can’t escape at least for now,” one useful coping mechanism “is to learn the fine art of emotional detachment — so the poision (sic) around you does not ruin or infect your soul.” Sutton, who draws on his popular book The No Asshole Rule (2007), further explains:
Passion is . . . wonderful if your organization and your colleagues care about you. BUT it is [a] recipe for self-destruction if you are trapped in a job with a demeaning boss, or worse yet, knee-deep in [a] workplace where asshole poisoning runs rampant. If you face constant abuse, then (until you can get out) going through the motions and “not letting it touch your soul” is one tactic that can help you survive with your self-esteem intact.
Exit vs. Voice?
Sutton’s commentary bears some connection to insights from Albert O. Hirschman’s classic Exit, Voice, and Loyalty (1970). Here’s my very oversimplified nutshell: Hirschman suggested that when an organization’s actions trigger objections from one of its members (such as an employee or customer), the individual may choose to either exit (i.e., some type of withdrawal) or voice concern (via a complaint or grievance). The choice of response may be influenced by the degree of loyalty that individual feels toward the organization, with the latter indicating anticipation of an active, continuing relationship.
As Sutton and Hirschman might concur, the exit option in a work situation can include emotional detachment or withdrawal. For example, organizations rife with workplace bullying can experience reduced employee loyalty and productivity, in addition to the predictable effect of higher attrition. Obviously this means that more workers have “checked out” in the face of an abusive work environment.
A smart recession response
Emotional detachment may be a more prevalent choice during a recession when employment options are more limited. It galls me when those who oppose workplace bullying legislation base their objection in part on the assumption that a target of abuse has the easy option of picking up and going to another job. There are myriad reasons, some quite rational, why someone might remain in a less-than-wonderful employment setting. At a time when the job market is tight, keeping a roof over one’s head and food on the table might be among them.
But still…
Emotional detachment does not come without its costs, as anyone who understands workplace bullying can comprehend. After all, indifferent slackers aren’t the ones typically targeted by abusive bosses or co-workers. Oftentimes it’s the high achiever, or at least someone who is engaged in her work, who is marked for mistreatment. Telling this person to turn off the passion for her work is indeed an instruction to numb her soul, even if for the purpose of avoiding deeper injury.
In sum, emotional detachment may be an effective coping mechanism for a hostile work setting, but for many it is a sad response to a bad situation, nothing more.
The concept of detachment as a workplace coping skill seems to be appearing more often in the publications and blogs that I read. As someone who has consciously decided to put my head down and “stick it out” at work until I have more economic options, I feel sad that so many of us our spending such significant parts of our lives this way.
Dawn, yes, it says a lot…and none of it good. Please hang in there until options start to open up.
Count me in as someone who’s sticking it out. I’m not bullied, really, I just work around a lot of emotionally immature people who don’t appreciate others. Today I’m really bothered by it and don’t want to be here. It’s interesting that I saw this post today, because I very much feel like my soul has taken a hit. It is sad to spend our lives this way.
Hi David,
Well I have a strong (emotional) reaction to this topic and to this important post!
Regardless of what we do as consultants with mostly corporate audiences, emotional intelligence is at the core. Under “normal” conditions, we work with people to more deeply understand and appreciate the role of their emotions regarding their work. Lately, the “new normal” (“post” recession) has really brought out the fear, resentment, anger and depression so many people are now experiencing.
Too many people, in our opinion, have been engaged in too much “emotional detachment” for too long. Coping strategies do not satisfy our real and legitimate needs.
While I am sure that Bob Sutton’s post is very well-meaning it can reinforce unhealthy old ideas about our emotions in the workplace. (all the latest neuroscience reinforces this)
First and foremost, it is, more than ever, critically important for people to ACKNOWLEDGE what they are really feeling. So if you understandably feel anger about a toxic work situation, that’s what you feel. Period.
The real question is what to do with what you feel. Stuffing it is not the answer, or possible. (an illusion that we promote when we talk about emotional “detachment.”)
You are right to respect that so many people are in work scenarios that are not right for them on many levels – but have valid reasons (not to mention the terrible job market)to stay put for the time being.
So much of this speaks to the lack of understanding and appreciation we have about emotions especially when it comes to feelings that relate to work.
Yes, there is a price tag to ignoring what we feel -sometimes it is a very big one. Relationships suffer, our health declines and most important our spirits erode, and when that happens – what happens to our work?
Valuable post, about to tweet it too!
thanks
Louise
Louise, thank you for putting a needed sharper point on this topic — as opposed to my more equivocal one!
I wish that this topic wasn’t driven by our acute economic situation. Too many people are stuck between staying in a lousy work environment and being able to pay the bills for themselves and loved ones.
As the Vt State Coordinator for the Healthy Workplace Bill and a Whistleblower I have had the opportunity to speak with many targets in Vermont. Vt. Bully’s are plentiful in our Green Mt. State. A pattern emerges with each new story, the thing I am always amazed at is how administrations do not self-govern themselves. There is no age discrimination with bullys, tomorrow I am meeting with a small group of women who will bring their story and their packets of documents to validate what they say. Emotional separation is not the solution, I believe we need to drag the skeltons out of the closet and expose the bully’s to daylight. We need to take back our pride, dignity and not be the custodios to the Bully’s secrets they hide from others. Bullying happens because it can, I once asked a Vice President of HR if the Healthy Workplace Bill had been law would he have done the things he did to so many, he told me no.
[...] Organizational psychologist Robert Sutton advises on his blog "Work Matters" (hosted by Psychology Today) that "for people who are trapped in nasty workplaces, and can't escape at least for now," one useful coping mechanism "is to learn the fine art of emotional detachment — so the poision (sic) around you does not ruin or infect your soul." Sutton, who draws on his popular book The No Asshole Rule (2007), further explains: Passion is . . . won … Read More [...]
Although I enjoy Sutton’s writings, I found his suggestion of detachment unrealistic. I could NOT help feel anger and disgust at a bullying coworker and the boss who would not deal with it.
I have not read Sutton’s writings but as someone that went through the process of been bullied by a self appointed ( I love me type CEO), who had a weak board all full of yes-men, I was a dead man walking when I stood up to him. Its impossible to find emotional detachment when your in the eye of a bullying storm. I could not believe what was happening to me and the ink is not even dry on the compromise agreement I ended up accepting to get my life back and get away from a a nutcase CEO.
He was the sort of person that used the following cliche:
Even when your wrong—! your right..!
I intent to write about my experiences with bullying at the top-table, its complicated and it involves close family members, sadly the fall-out has damaged these also… A very sad tale indeed
Cheers
Paul
I understand the advice. It is just hard for me to emotionally be abused, lied about, and discredited on the good job that I do To take this abuse every day is something that I just can’t continue to do. The job market is very bad and I have been looking for another job for 7 months, but I haven’t been able to get one. I have had some interviews and I am still trying, but I don’t know how much longer I can endure it!