Gaslighting is a form of deliberate manipulation intended to disorient, confuse, and frighten those on the receiving end. Many discussions about gaslighting occur in reference to personal relationships, often in the context of domestic or partner abuse. However, gaslighting can occur in other settings as well, including workplaces. In fact, I predict that we’ll be hearing a lot more about gaslighting at work during the years to come, and I’d like to survey that waterfront.
In her excellent book The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life, (2018 pb ed. with rev. intro), Dr. Robin Stern defines gaslighting as:
a type of emotional manipulation in which a gaslighter tries to convince you that you’re misremembering, misunderstanding, or misinterpreting your own behavior or motivations, thus creating doubt in your mind that leaves you vulnerable and confused. Gaslighters might be men or women, spouses or lovers, bosses or colleagues, parents or siblings, but what they all have in common is their ability to make you question your own perceptions of reality.
According to Dr. Stern, gaslighting is a “mutually created relationship” involving a gaslighter who wants “the gaslightee to doubt her perceptions of reality,” and a gaslightee who is “equally intent on getting the gaslighter to see her as she wished to be seen.”
In the introduction to her new edition, she explains how gaslighting is now being applied to scenarios such as bullying. In fact, she references this blog in doing so:
Meanwhile, an increasing number of blogs linked gaslighting to bullying, both in personal relationships and at work. “Is gaslighting a gendered form of workplace bullying?” asked David Yamada on his blog, Minding the Workplace, while numerous dating and self-help blogs talked about the importance of identifying and standing up to your gaslighter.
Despite growing awareness of the term and its underlying behaviors, the idea of gaslighting is so rooted in pop psychology that there are no “official” definitions from more authoritative psychological sources. Indeed, another illuminating definition comes from Wikipedia, a distinctly non-academic source:
…a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target’s belief.
If you’re wondering where the term gaslighting comes from, then you might want to watch an old movie. As Dr. Martha Stout explains in her deeply insightful book, The Sociopath Next Door (2005):
In 1944, George Cukor directed a psychological thriller entitled Gaslight, in which a beautiful young woman, played by Ingrid Bergman, is made to feel she is going insane. Her fear that she is losing her mind is inflicted on her systematically by Charles Boyer, who plays her evil but charming husband. Among a number of other dirty tricks, Boyer arranges for Bergman to hear sounds in the attic when he absent, and for the gaslight to dim by itself, in a menacing house where her aunt was mysteriously murdered years before.
In a Psychology Today blog post, Dr. Stern offers a list of questions to determine whether someone is dancing what she calls the “Gaslight Tango.” Here are several that are especially relevant to the workplace:
- “You are constantly second-guessing yourself.”
- “You ask yourself, ‘Am I too sensitive?’ a dozen times a day.”
- “You often feel confused and even crazy at work.”
- “You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.”
“Crazy at work.” Gaslighting can be, and often is, crazy making.
Gaslighting and workplace bullying & mobbing
Gaslighting usually involves a power imbalance grounded in formal hierarchy, interpersonal dynamics, or both. This makes the workplace a prime host for such behaviors, with bullying a frequent variation. As I wrote several years ago in one of this blog’s most popular posts:
Specific workplace bullying tactics can run from the obvious and transparent to the remarkably deceitful and calculated. Among the most treacherous of the latter is “gaslighting”….Gaslighting at work can range from orchestrated, manipulative aggressor-to-target behaviors, to HR officers expressing faux incredulity in response to claims of abusive mistreatment.
My hypothesis is that a large percentage of the most virulent, targeted bullying and mobbing campaigns involves serious amounts of gaslighting.
Management gaslighting in union organizing campaigns
Gaslighting is often used by employers to oppose labor unions. They use deceptive messaging to get workers to doubt their common sense:
- “We’re all in this together, so do you really want a union to interfere with that relationship?” — If everyone is truly in this together, then how has the pay gap between high-level executives and rank-and-file workers become so wide and deep over the past few decades? These vast divides exist in most organizations that oppose unions.
- “If you vote for a union, then you lose your individual voice” — This dubious claim assumes that the individual worker had a meaningful voice to begin with! (Imagine an entry-level administrative assistant or retail store worker approaching their manager with a request to enter into negotiations about their pay and benefits.) On balance, unionized workers have a lot more legal and contract protections for expressing work-related concerns than do non-union workers.
- “We can’t control what happens if a union is voted in” — This is a classic gambit meant to plant confusion and fear of the unknown about the consequences of a successful union election.
Gaslighting and managerial pronouncements
We may think of gaslighting as being targeted at individuals, but sometimes it’s a group experience on the receiving end.
When an executive, manager, or senior administrator invokes the term “transparency” (or some variant), and it feels like they’re merely being transparent about being opaque, that’s potential gaslighting. When the human resources office announces changes in employee relations policies that offer more “flexibility,” “freedom to choose,” or “streamlining” that will advantage all, when in reality it means lower or fewer benefits and/or more hassle, that’s potential gaslighting.
If your response upon hearing such pronouncements is along the lines of “hold it, this makes no sense” or “do they really think I’m that stupid?!,” well, then, look for the gaslight.
Thinking like a gaslighter
Yes, gaslighting is often employed to intimidate, confuse, frighten and/or diminish its target. In this way it is a significant, malicious, dignity-denying abuse of power.
Accordingly, understanding gaslighting may be necessary in order to effectively oppose injustice, mistreatment, or abuse. This is not easy, because (thank goodness) gaslighting does not come naturally to most of us. “Thinking like a gaslighter” can mean having to think like a psychopath, sociopath, or severe narcissist. It’s not a pleasant place to be.
What gaslighting is not
Of course, now that gaslighting has become a more popular term, it is inevitable that it will be misused, overused, or confused with other behaviors. Over the years, I’ve read and heard about claims of gaslighting that do not appear to be the case. Gaslighting is generally not synonymous with:
- An honest disagreement, even an intense or heated one;
- An argument that includes misunderstandings, sometimes on both ends;
- Individuals being obstinate or stubborn;
- Erroneous, even confusing, orders and instructions;
- One side or multiple sides talking past, over, or through each other;
- “White lies” meant to mask a more painful or difficult truth;
- Instances of incivility; or,
- An incoherent explanation.
Of course, gaslighting could become a part of these interactions, but it is not their equivalent.
A gray area is when people are, well, “messing with each other’s heads.” This can occur in dysfunctional relationships of all kinds. I’ll leave it to readers to make a call on this. (As I see it, the devil rests in the details.)
At the worst end of the spectrum
Like any other form of manipulation, instances of gaslighting are not equal in frequency and severity. The worst cases, however, are truly disabling and debilitating, the products of scary minds capable of inflicting serious psychological abuse. I hope that gaslighting will gain greater attention as we continue to address behaviors in our society worth preventing and stopping.
This entry was revised in June 2018.
I mentioned Gaslighting in your article Workplace Bullying: HR To The Rescue? through my post. For those interested please read Mr. Yamada’s article referenced to read more on my post with reference to gaslighting. Gaslighting comes hand in hand with ‘Covert Emotional Manipulation’ and Social Engineering.
Pingback: Strange but true GAS LIGHTING | Site Title
Pingback: Work Shouldn’t Hurt! – cornerstone of commitment
Reblogged this on Life of a Ho.
Pingback: Is Your Brain Fit? - Swim Bike Run
Pingback: Not Normal | All About Work
Reblogged this on Digital learning PD Dr Ann Lawless.
TO READ THIS HAS SHOCKED ME
MY RECENTLY X PARTNER HAS BEEN
CAUGHT CHEATING BY ME ON MANY
OCCASSIONS..IM EITHER CRAZY PSYCO ETC.. OR TO THE POINT OF WASHING HIS SNEAKERS AND TELLING ME .U SILLY BITCH I WASHED THESE OTHER DAY.
I GUESS FORTUNATELY FOR ME I STAND MY GROUND N THAT MAKES HIM GET ANGRY N SOMETIMES PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE.. HE THEN MAKES HIS FAMILY FRIEND S BELIEVE IM CRAZY ETC ETC
N YES BEEN CHEATING WITH HIS X FOR SOMETIME..DID SAME TO HER OVER 6YRS AGO BUT SAID O HES A GOOD MAN IN OTHER WAYS
BUYS THINGS SAYS I LOVE U LETS GET MARRIED ..JUST A PLOY TO HAVE U BELIEVE HES WONDERFUL.
Reblogged this on Citizens, not serfs.
By the way, I would very much like to reblog this on Chateau Cherie. Again, thank you for this very informative post.
Reblogged this on Chateau Cherie and commented:
This is is about gaslighting and is worth the read. Although it happens in the workplace, it can also happen in schools. As we know school bullies often gaslight their victims to make them look crazy and to avoid accountability. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation to make the target of bullying doubt their own sanity or feel/seem crazy.
Thank you for your interest in this topic. I have reblogged your post and will now follow your work.
Pingback: That is Not Gaslighting. – Nauvoo Neighbor